Oh, my goodness. I love my sweet, little boys and how innocent they are. I keep thinking that any minute now they’re going to transform into hideous, hormone-crazed, knuckle-dragging, voice-cracking, boob-ogling, pubescent idiots. But I suppose that particular worry is a bit premature, seeing as how the boys are still only seven and four. Still, it helps ease the paranoia of impending adolescent doom to hear them speak with sincere, cherubic purity on topics that might be a little on the PG-13 side of things.
For instance, here is the conversation I had in the car with Liam as we drove by an establishment, labeled simply as “Adult Store.”
LIAM: “Adult Store.” Man, I bet that’s the most BORING store in the world!
ME: Uh … why? Because it wouldn’t have any kid stuff?
LIAM: Yeah! It would be all grown-up stuff like … jeans! Yeah, I bet it’s just all jeans.
ME: You’re probably right.
LIAM: Wait. It’s probably more than jeans. It’s probably all KINDS of pants.
ME: Maybe they should call it “Pants-a-Rama” or “Happy Pants Kingdom” instead of “Adult Store.”
LIAM: Yeah, they should. Psh. How boring! I bet they don’t have a single toy in there.
ME: I’m not so sure about that.
LIAM: Well, all I know is that I NEVER want to go in there.
ME: Glad to hear it.
LIAM: No, that place sounds too serious. I just want to go to places where you can have fun. … Why are you laughing?
On another day it was Sean’s turn to alert my trepidation when he just kind of nonchalantly announced out of the blue, “Boobs are powerful.” Oh no, I thought. It begins already. He’s only four, and yet the mania has taken hold of him!
But I had to know. So, I steeled myself for the worst and asked, “Why are boobs ‘powerful’?”
Then my boy replies, “Because they make milk to feed babies and make them grow strong. They’re powerful.”
Oh, my heavens. I almost cried. Oh, those sweet boys! I’m going to relish this time when they are such bright-eyed, innocent, little creatures. I love it. But truth be told, I think I’ll enjoy watching them grow into fine, fun-loving, honorable men one day. I just have to get past that whole teenage-year speed bump of life. I hereby promise that when the time comes I shall do my very best to be understanding, patient, and calm. And I’ll sure as heck pick the store when Liam decides he needs to purchase some pants.